The past four days

 
Have been four bad days.

Overwhelmed and stressed.
A bad attitude.
Snapping at people.

I was “that” lady at the dentist office yesterday.

You know, the one who makes demands and freaks out and threatens to take her business elsewhere. The one on the phone for thirty minutes that they keep passing off to other employees to deal with. The one the office talks about the rest of the day.

I’m out-of-sync and out-of-sorts.

I baked bread. The Christmas gifts are wrapped and shipped. I’m supposed to feel better. But there’s tension in my neck and a headache coming on. My breath still quickens and my attitude worsens. Because the past four days aren’t the kind of bad that go away just because the Christmas shopping is done. They are the bad that come from deep distrust and fear.

It scares me how quickly I can dive back into the darkness.

I can feel encouraged.
I can feel joy.
I can feel His peace which surpasses all understanding.

And yet the darkness comes back in.

It scares me how easily the anxiety can take over.

It scares me how easily I can forget all the encouragement and joy and peace.

Please pray that I remember.

 
 
 
 
 
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

  • Anonymous

    I think we’ve all been “that lady” at least once. If you still can’t laugh at yourself for it tomorrow, maybe bake some more bread or Christmas cookies and drop them off at the dentist office. Do people still do that kind of thing? Its the type of old fashioned, motherly gesture I’m often tempted to make but I get self conscious and wonder if its old fashioned and motherly in a bad way . . .
    I’ll say a prayer for you today. : ) Ever read “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver? Always puts me in a positive, contemplative mood.

  • http://andreaenright.net Andrea Enright

    Thank you for the thoughts. Ah yes, being “that” lady. It’s confusing. Yes, my dentist royally screwed my insurance requests and failed to call me back multiple times. And yes, my frustration came from a real place, but I know I could have responded more lovingly. So Christmas cookies? I want to say OH HELL NO. But it’s that kind of love that can really change people. I’m not sure what I’ll do yet. I’m also “that” lady who gets stressed out and over commits and gets heart palpitations when I add another task to the Christmas to-do list. It’s a constant balancing/seeking-the-Spirit’s-wisdom act. So thank you for your prayers, I need them.

    And thank you thank you thank you for Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese. I’d never heard of or read it. How simple and inspiring.

    For those of you who haven’t read it either, here’s a link: http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/geese/geese.html

    So thank you! Now if I just knew who you were, my anonymous friend…!

  • Pingback: Everything you need to read before Christmas comes » honesty with andrea e.