Moving From Crushed to Cheerful

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JESUS ALERT.

Stop reading now if quoting Bible verses creeps you out.

I totally get it. Christians are SO WEIRD. (I think I’m a “with-it” one, and if you don’t like Christians, you’ve probably met an “out-of-it” one, but ANYWAYS, I hear you. You don’t need to explain yourself. Just stop reading.)

But man, this is some serious shit I’m going through. God HAD to come up at some point, ya know what I’m sayin?

So here we go.

And stop reading….   Now.

Jesus. Bibles. Verses. Damn.

It hit me across the head yesterday. My devotional read:

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Proverbs 17:22, ya’ll.

You see, BJ has that wonderful, Biblical, cheerful spirit. (God bless him.)

But I just have that extra dose of drama. I’m a worrier.

A crushed spirit, as they say.

And the verse hit me.

You see, as much as I love to emote, I don’t think my crushed-ness is good medicine.
I don’t think it’s going to treat the root issue.
And it isn’t going to bring healing.

Now this doesn’t mean I think this verse is saying ANDREA, PRETEND LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE AND PLASTER ON A SMILE AND FAKE IT TILL YA MAKE IT. HAVE A CHEERFUL HEART AT ALL COSTS.

Hellllllll’s to the no.

I know it’s FINE for me to worry and be crushed. I can be honest with my life, my circumstances, my shit storm.

But I do think it’s reminding me that my crushed spirit isn’t good medicine.

Now I know what you’re thinking. If I’m saying it’s OKAY to have a crushed spirit, but ALSO saying that a crushed spirit doesn’t bring healing, doesn’t that contradict?

I don’t think so.

Because there has to be a pathway FROM a crushed spirit TO a cheerful heart.

And that journey brings healing.

So what’s the path? What’s the journey? How do I actually move from CRUSHED to CHEERFUL?

I think the answer is trust.

And it’s something I’m notoriously bad at.

Brings me back to my year of counseling, where it seemed like EVERY problem I had looped back to trust.

I read this:

“Does the clay say to the one who fashions it, ‘What are you making’? or ‘Your work has no handles’?”

Isaiah 45:9

And I just imagined myself as some clay. And I really believed that God wanted to make me into something masterful, splendid, and more beautiful than I could imagine. And I really believed He didn’t want to destroy me, He didn’t want to ruin me, his little clay pot Andrea. 

And I remembered He’s like GOD. And He MAKES THINGS. Things like mountains and hydrangeas and ocean waves. Like REALLY cool things.

But that because I didn’t have trust, I’ve been over here with my crushed spirit being all

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME???

And UM GOD, YOU FORGOT TO GIVE MY CLAY POT HANDLES. DID YOU REALIZE THAT? GET WITH IT.

And I’m sitting here annoyed, complaining to God LIKE I HAVE ANY RIGHT TO CRITICIZE HIS CRAFTSMANSHIP! LIKE I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW TO MAKE CLAY POTS.

(For the record, I don’t.)

So I’ve had a dose of reality. And I’ve reclaimed my trust in God.

Because when I really think about it, I believe, I mean, really believe, with EVERYTHING in me, that

God is up to something with all this.

The cancer, the separation, the crushed spirit.

And I really believe He is making my clay pot of a life SO beautiful and SO intricate (I’m thinking cancer makes your pot REALLY fancy and intricate) that I am going to look back and say

HEY, GOD, YOU MAKE THINGS THAT ARE LIKE AWE INSPIRINGLY PHENOMENAL AND YOU KNOW THINGS BETTER THAN I DO AND YEAH, MY CLAY POT LOOKS INCREDIBLE, SO THANKS, DUDE, GLAD YOU GOT THIS.

And that trust makes me cheerful.

Like God’s got my back.

Or at least my clay pot.

 

 

 

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  • Eyslyn

    Andrea, love this blog post and love you very much! This post is so well written and moving and inspiring. thank you for continuing to write and share even through this storm. I’m continuing to pray for you and for BJ. love your blog. i hope you keep writing! :-)

    • http://andreaenright.net Andrea Enright

      I’m gonna try to keep writing! It definitely comes in bursts of inspiration, for sure!

  • Kate

    Really love this one Andrea!! And so glad that you’re looking in Proverbs for direction (it was the topic of last week’s message! http://everydaycc.com/2014/06/the-story-season-3-episode-11-the-king-who-had-it-all/). I think your wisdom in this post is spot on. God can and DOES use the most seemingly un-beautiful circumstances and transform them into beautiful, awe inspiring masterpieces. Love you! and excited about this journey and the way God is revealing himself to you through it. It’s ripple effects – which are greater than you yet know – are already having an impact, on my own life and the lives of people we don’t even know yet! Keep Trusting. God is in control! And his plans and purposes are more glorious than we know!

  • Whitney

    The struggle is so real… And will be so rewarding. I loved this post, and as a baptized Christian, I can say it reminds me that GOD is good, we just won’t always be privy to how, and it’s in those harder times we will truly grow and become the humans we were destined to be. Thanks for writing this. My heart is with you and your whole beautiful family. ❤️

    • http://andreaenright.net Andrea Enright

      The struggle is SO real. Thanks for reaching out, Whitney!

  • Mom

    Andrea,
    You made me cry again. I love you. Love the way you can share your heart. Love you.
    Love, Mom

  • angel

    Andrea,

    again, this is so awesome, I want to recommend a book by Gary Thomas called Sacred Marriage, this book is CRAZYYYY AMAZING- like you said, God is up to something, do we know what it is, no…will we ever…NOPE..but guess what….we have to go through it. We have to go through it because He put us in it. Often times we just think there is NOOOO WAY this is going to work out, or that we will ever get over what just happened, like you said, the crushed spirit can lead to healing,and cheerful heart. My pastor spoke about the tests and trials that God puts us through and he made it a point to have joyful perseverance-the suffering that we face will bring us happiness becuase that is how we are programed.
    In the book, Sacred Marriage, Gary talks about suffering in the marriage, and he says, “So often sorrow is something that is to be avoided at all costs. Sorrow is the enemy, the persecutor, the fearful emotion…I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openess, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.” I think that it is perfectly fine for you to have the feelings that you feel during this time in your life and marriage, it will make you stronger. My pastor also said that sometimes we are exercising the greatest degree of faith in God when we honestly and authentically complain to God” So go ahead! lol!!

    much love and prayers!!

    Angel

    ” Our Lord has sovereignly ordained that our refining process take place as we go through difficulties, not around them. The bible is filled with examples of those who overcame as they passed through the desert, the Red sea, the fiery furnance, and ultimately the cross.”

    God will take you through this!!! :)

    • http://andreaenright.net Andrea Enright

      Thank you, Angel! You are such an encourager. And I will definitely check that book out!

  • Allie McCaw

    long time reader, first time commenter! ;) first of all, I’m praying for quick healing on all fronts, sister. big big love to you and BJ and your families. yesterday at my fellowship the teaching was about how to live a life of freedom, and we looked at matthew 6:25-34, which i was reminded of reading this entry (by the way, your writing is just so great. raw and real and wonderful. i am so blessed to be able to read it. thank you.).

    but yeah, i especially love when this passage talks about the beauty of wildflowers: “it that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you?”. which is not to say that BIG HUGE REAL PROBLEMS are to be taken lightly. it is very frustrating to hear other (well-meaning) Believers say things like “God has a plan!” or “Worry less – pray more!” when you are dealing with a major f*ing crisis. like, hello, i AM going to worry. i’m not stressed out about what color to paint my nails, it’s CANCER (or insert other crisis).

    but all the same, i do think it’s so awesome to know that the attention and love God gives to things as small and insignificant as a wildflower PALE in comparison to the love and care He gives us. He loves us SoOoOOOOOOoooOoOo much. You are his precious precious little clay pot that He created the heavens and the earth for (!!!!!!!!!!). He will never leave you nor forsake you and you are so right about this being part of your amazing life, not to mention your amazing relationship with Him.

    trust in Him, sister, because God is good – ALWAYS.

    i love ya and am sending you big hugs to Texas!

    xoxoxo

    • http://andreaenright.net Andrea Enright

      ALLIE MCCAW I LOVE YOU. So glad you commented! Thank you for the prayers. The analogy with the wildflowers is SPOT ON. Why do we think God clothes the fields but DOESN’T CARE ABOUT US? It’s insane. Of course he does.

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