I have strong opinions. Mostly about baby costumes, as you will soon see. But as I started ranting about baby costumes, I found myself having opinions on other Halloween Costumes.
So here are a few simple rules to up your Halloween game. Everything is better when you put a little thought into it, right? So instead of finding your striped t-shirt and going as Where’s Waldo yet again, take a moment, read the rules (based on cold hard data and science) and pick yourself a thoughtful, funny, or clever Halloween costume this year. YOU CAN DO IT.
1. Dressing babies as adults is Not Cute.
My number one rule is do not dress your baby as an adult. In doing so, you limit your baby’s Full Cute Potential.
Let me explain. Babies don’t look like adults. They look like squishy, chubby perfect adorable babies. Also, THEY HAVE THEIR WHOLE LIVES TO DRESS AS ADULTS. So when you have a baby and it’s Halloween-time, you have a duty to us all to dress that baby to its Fullest Halloween Cute Potential. Because you only get ONE chance to have your baby as a baby for Halloween. ONE CHANCE. Do you get the stakes at hand?
With that said, the only appropriate costumes for babies are things that are ALREADY CUTE, things like, fluffy soft, cute things. We are talking puppies, cats, lions, bears. Because then you DOUBLE the cute. This is science, people.
Formula for a cute Halloween costume for a baby:
Something that is already cute + cute baby = Double the cute
It’s science, people. Ok, maybe math. But it’s legit.
Side note: ladybugs are NOT naturally cute. So do not dress your baby as a ladybug. This is a classic case of cute baby, ugly costume. This does NOT follow the Cuteness Equation:
Here are some appropriate costumes for a baby:
(via L.L. Bean)
See the power of the equation in action? I’m telling you, the equation won’t fail you. IT WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.
EVERYONE LOVES A BABY AS A BABY LION.
A BABY AS A BABY MONKEY.
A BABY AS A BABY BEAR.
I am crying just thinking about how cute it would be to hold a real baby in a real furry lion costume. THE EQUATION WON’T FAIL YOU.
So remember, babyhood is not a time to be clever. This is a time to go Full Cute.
2. Dressing toddlers as adults is Cute.
(via That’s So Cute Boutique)
Please note that since toddlers look more adult-like than babies, seeing them small tiny adults is CUTE. 4 Year Old Lucille Ball? I DIE.
Side note: interestingly enough, toddlers as ladybugs are cute. It’s probably the tutu factor.
(via Diva Baby Designs)
See? It just works. Again, it’s science. And math. Science-math. Or something.
3. Family costumes are the exception to the equation.
Nail a clever family costume and you’ll have my respect for life. FOR LIFE.
4. Costumes are always better if you can get in character.
They just are. If you can play a bit and get into what you are portraying with your Halloween costume, you are going to have way more fun than the guy in a cardboard box dressed as Tetris.
Hey? What are you?
Then that’s it. End of conversation. And then you have to act like YOURSELF for the rest of the night. No fun.
Also, do you REALLY want to be wearing a box all night? That thing is bound to get taken off in the middle of the night and left at your poor friend’s apartment.
5. Never, ever buy costumes from a bag as an adult.
Never. For the $55 you spent looking like a “Groovy Guy” you could have gone to a thrift store and bought ACTUAL 60′s clothes for $10.
6. Sexy is overrated.
Because it is. Also, how DARE you do that to Winnie the Pooh.
7. Culturally relevant is always a good idea.
Ice Bucket Challenge, Adele Dazeem, #SochiProblems, Olivia Pope, the ending of How I Met Your Mother, that little girl from the Chandelier music video… Stay current and you’ll stay funny, folks.
8. Full Face makeup is NEVER a good idea.
You will not look good at the end of the night. You will not be able to eat. You will not be able to drink. And when you do end up eating and drinking, because let’s face it, you will, it will not end well. It will not end well. It is not a good idea. Because SCIENCE.
9. And for the love of God, don’t go as a hipster deer.
So folks, what do you think of my Halloween Costume Rules? And what your most hated Halloween Costumes/pet peeves?