I am sitting in a coffee shop, trying to get some work done and I CANNOT. Stop. Peeing.
I swear it. It’s a problem. So we’ve been sitting here maybe 3 hours and I’ve gone 6 times.
That sixth time was hard guys. I had peed thirty minutes earlier. And after that fifth pee I had RESOLVED to not drink any more hot tea/water/iced chai tea latte so I would stop peeing SO DAMN MUCH. So I DID NOT TAKE A SIP. Not a single sip of liquid, and I instead I grabbed a ricola and started sucking.
You see, I’m nursing post nasal drip/sinus/allergy/sore throat awfullness. So I’ve been drinking A LOT of liquid. Tea. Water. Tea. Water. I thirst. I THIRSTTTTTTTTTT. And my throat– it hurts. It HURTSSSSS.
And so I drink.
Anyways, I had my fifth pee and thirty minutes later I felt that sixth pee coming on. After drinking NO liquid.
NO. This CANNOT be happening, I thought.
THIRTY MINUTES, ANDREA?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU HAVEN’T HAD ANYTHING TO DRINK. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO WAIT AT LEAST- AT LEAST- AN HOUR BEFORE YOU PEE AGAIN.
(And no I’m not pregnant/yeast infectious/bladder impaired. I’M JUST THIRSTY and WEIRD.)
I was horrified. Humiliated.
I WILL NOT walk past the two old men playing cards, the college kid with white headphones, that financial advisor guy, and the girl with two, yes TWO laptops set up. I will not pass them for the SIXTH time. And yes I knew who they all were because I’d walked past them 6 times.
I felt embarrassment. Shame. These bathroom sitter-nearers were going to JUDGE me. They are going to think THAT GIRL HAS GOT A PROBLEM or WHAT IS SHE DRINKING.
And I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to squash that sixth pee within me.
I started plotting another bathroom I could go to. Maybe I could run to the sushi place next door, quickly order a roll of sushi and then pee.
Yes. I was willing to go next door and spend money on sushi before facing the Shame of the Sixth Pee.
THIS is how much I care about what people think of me.
But the Sixth Pee was too strong within me.
So I put on my coat and my hair in a bun and prayed they wouldn’t recognize me.
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