Day 130, imperfect blogging and rushing rivers

 
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I’m coming off the high of a few days spent at Cannon Beach on retreat. I’d go into more detail but gosh, I’m too tired. It’s not that I don’t WANT to tell you all about it, it’s just I’m so tired.

That’s becoming the moral of this blog. I WANT to write more. I HAVE a lot to say. But I’m too tired to say it. Or too overwhelmed. Too something.

I’m also too much of a perfectionist. My thinking goes like this: if my blog post can’t be PERFECTLY WRITTEN, then there SHANT BE ANY BLOG POST AT ALL. Which is stupid. I can be imperfect and ramble-y and you’ll all still like me and come back for a read, won’t you?

So here I am, imperfections and all.

I wanted to tell you about an image I had while I was on the retreat, or rather a sensation. You see, I was praying and I just had this sensation come over me.

I started feeling like I was being carried by a huge and mighty rushing river.

The thing about this river is it was BIG. And scary. And moving fast and all-encompassing. And I was limp, helpless, and totally surrendered to it. Being carried by it to who-knows-where. I was completely out of control, at the whim of this mighty rushing river. But I was alive. And I was okay.

So I started thinking about my life. And this image of me in a river encompassed everything I felt about my life right now.

You see, in the river, I was scared. But I also remember thinking I’m okay. I’m alive. True, my future was uncertain (where is this river taking me? why am I alone? what is going to happen?) but the water was warm and it was big and it was carrying me. It was exciting to move through the crashing river rapids. Maybe even fun. Perhaps painful at times, good moments and bad ones, but I was okay. And the river would guide me.

The thing about being stuck in a river is you can’t fight it. Once that river’s got you all you can do is relinquish all control. Through twists and turns, over rocks, round bends, there is nothing you can do but trust the river and enjoy the ride.

Man this image excited me. The parallels to my life feel CRAZY accurate. Abundant. Necessary. Good. Thank you Lord for this metaphor from you.

Yes God is the river. And I am me. I am alone and it’s just me and God now. He knows I have no control over my life– life has taken my down an scary and unexpected path. But God is my river and He will carry me. I just need to trust Him.

It’s scary yes, but the rivers are also warm and exciting and fun.

It’s okay to be scared. But it’s also okay to enjoy the ride.

This new journey is going to be painful at times.

But the river will carry you.

I am here.

Trust.

Surrender.

Fear not.

Embrace.

And it’s okay to enjoy the ride in the meantime.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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