Oh grief

 

Oh grief, you keep me on my toes.

Yesterday I could barely get out of bed.

Today espresso shots and friends and cats meant I forgot the pain for a bit.

Oh grief, you hit hard after 20 minutes at the funeral home trying to pick out memorial plaques.

I thought I could do it.

But I could not.

Because the fact that I, at 26 years old, need to pick out a memorial plot for my young, handsome husband still

puzzles me and
shocks me and
confuses me and
hurts me and
angers me.

But oh grief,

How you stilled with a pizza dinner with my family.

With just deciding to stay in.

With not caring about anything but being present in the moment.

With honoring my pain.

With doing what I need to do to be healthy and healing and my truest self.

Oh grief, you are the hardest thing I have ever done.

Oh grief, you make easy things hard.

Oh grief, you make me confusing to other people.

Oh grief, you are just so damn relentless.

Oh grief, what do you have in store for me tomorrow?