Category Archives: Cancer

  If I had known what life had in store for me I could have never left my house. If you told me BJ would die, I wouldn’t have babies with him, I wouldn’t live in New York, I’d be moving in with my parents, I’d be getting a Brand New Life… I could have […]

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Written for BJ’s Oregon Memorial Service, and shared aloud on Thursday, July 23:   I wrote a eulogy for BJ. It’s crazy that that’s a thing I had to do, and I hope you read it. But for some reason, I felt like I needed to say a new thing today. I felt like I […]

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  I can’t believe this is my life. No BJ. No BJ ever again. Everything I’ve known, everything I’ve ever wanted, was wrapped up in BJ. Now he’s not here. It’s so bad. It’s getting worse. It’s settling in again that he’s gone forever. These past two months have been a vacation from cancer. But […]

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  Widow is such a weird word. It’s a word for spiders and Avengers and old ladies. But here I am, widowed, a widow, using the word a lot to describe myself. It’s not a title I chose. I’d love to be married. But BJ died. And I’m NOT single. Singleness just doesn’t fit. And […]

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  Things have been getting worse. I thought 4 Weeks/30 Days would be some signpost on how I can survive. And now I’m at a whopping 32 days and it’s just getting harder. Maybe it’s because I hit a huge tidal wave of grief a few days ago that I still find myself sinking under. […]

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