Category Archives: Widowed

    Today I didn’t wash my hair. I didn’t put makeup on. I wore glasses because when I cry that hard my eyes get puffy and I can’t wear contacts.   Today I felt unbearable pain. Like longer he’s dead the harder life gets. Or at least that’s how it seemed.   Today I […]

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      Don’t mind me. I’m only just FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE FUTURE. LIKE, FUH-REAKING OUT. Here is how I feel today: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOD? WHAT ON EARTHHHHHHH????? WHAT ON HEAVENNNNNNN????????? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE? WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE […]

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  It’s been 313 days. 13 has always been my special number. So when I went to the little date calculator to calculate how many days I’ve lived with BJ dead, before I even plugged in the numbers I thought to myself… “I bet it’s been 313 days. Because of course it would be. Because […]

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  I once asked a group of friends why no one ever asked about BJ. This was back when it was so fresh— maybe three months. A candid conversation about grief came up and so I asked. Why doesn’t anyone ask me about BJ? I was curious– not trying to judge but just wanting to […]

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    Found this note I made on December 22, 2015:     I was thinking about what BJ would say during family game night tonight– What would he have said, have thought, if only he was there? It’s hard to think that I’m finished with all my moments with BJ.     It’s still […]

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